Close Enough
by Relina
Summary: A Jessie and Katie story from Jessie's perspective.


**Close Enough**

_The characters are not mine, ect. ect. Lyrics for Complicated by Avril Lavigne._

I wanted to trace my finger along the back of her hand, run it along the raised veins, curves, the crevasses between her fingers. I wanted to feel that smooth skin on sensitive fingertips, let them slide up the pale skin of her arm to the swell of her bicep before making their way to the point of her shoulder. I wanted to use my fingernails to softly make a trail up her neck to her jaw, run my hand into her hair, and draw her in close, close enough…

"Jess?"

I started, looked up. She was looking at me, that half of a smile on her face, her eyes telling you she was really laughing inside.

My eyes crinkled at the corners with an involuntary smile. She was so beautiful, all tiny and perfect with large green eyes the color of the mountains I remember somewhere dimly from my childhood, but I wasn't supposed to be thinking like this.

I shook my head a little, faking a zoned moment.

"Hmm?"

"You must have been lost for a second. Anyway, I was saying we should head to a movie. I feel like a chick flic. All mushy romance for me right now. Just in that mood, ya know?"

She flashed me a grin before turning and grabbing her red zip-up hoodie. She was halfway down the steps from my attic bedroom when I heard her stop, "Are you coming? You're being kinda weird today, Billie."

I heard her tromp back up a few steps till she could lean against the rail and look over it to look at me, "You there?"

I was panicking. I could not be having these thoughts. I mean—my best friend. But don't all girls have that feeling when they really admire someone, that need to just feel that connection in a more intimate way?

I shook my head again. "Wha—oh. Yeah. I'm here. Just. Yeah. Give me a sec."

I moved from my spot on the bed, always neatly made. It was something I could control, how my room looked: no mess, just clean, relaxing, what I needed to offset Katie's brilliant energy when she was around.

My jacket was hooked over the back of my rocking chair. I grabbed it a little half-heartedly, but then turned to beam at Katie. She returned the smile and hurried down the steps, calling back, "Come on. We gotta talk to your Dad and hopefully get there in time."

"What are you talking about 'in time'? We don't even know when a movie starts. We'll probably be sitting there for an hour waiting. You, miss, will buy me a pizza if such unfortunate circumstances surround this outing." We had walked into the living room as this left my lips.

I ran into Katie's back. "Ooofff. Sorry."

"Shhhh," Katie motioned toward the couch with a hand, the other raising a finger to her lips.

I looked past her. There lie my dad and my step mom, Lily. He was leaning back, head on a pillow, mouth open in sleep. Lily was snuggling into his stomach, curled up, her hair cascading around her over my father. I almost giggled. They were so cute. I sighed, motioned Katie back into the kitchen.

She had a dreamy look on her face, eyes kind of glazed. She sat down at the table as I rummaged through drawers trying to find some paper to leave dad a note.

I looked back up after I found a scrap from someone's lost homework assignment, and saw her staring off. I didn't interrupt, just watched as I wrote, "Be back. Went to the movies with Katie. Love, Jessie."

No. I shouldn't be watching her. It wasn't right.

I ended that thought process with: "Hey. You. Girl sitting here in my kitchen." I waved my hand in front of Katie's eyes.

She blinked. "Oh. Hey. Girl whose kitchen I'm sitting in." She grinned, grabbed her keys out of her pocket. "Let's go."

The drive was only a few minutes. We sat, just listening to the radio. I watched her as she drove, one thin hand on the steering wheel, the other on her thigh.

God. I shouldn't be watching her. I turned away, looked out of the window to see the passing cars and buildings. I was getting bored, so I turned back to face her, reaching to turn the radio on.

Complicated by Avril Lavigne came on, and we started rocking out:

"You come over unannounced  
Dressed up like you're somethin else  
Where you are and where it's at you see  
You're makin me  
Laugh out  
When you strike a pose  
Take off  
All your preppy clothes  
You know  
You're not foolin anyone  
When you become  
Somebody else  
Round everyone else  
Watchin your back  
Like you can't relax  
You're tryin to be cool  
You look like a fool to me  
Tell me  
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?  
I see the way you're actin like you're somebody else  
Gets me frusterated  
Life's like this you  
You fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get  
And you turn into  
Honestly, you promised me  
I'm never gonna find you fake it." We sang together, just having fun.

I head-banged just to get her laughing.

I wanted to lean over, just touch her once. I stopped that thought by singing louder, watched as she laughed and matched my crazy mood. Avril could do that to me.

We pulled up to the old theater, and she turned off the car as the song ended. It wasn't a megaplex like the new one on the other side of town with stadium seating and all that, but the popcorn was actually fresh popped and it showed independent films.

I followed Katie up to the box office, standing by her shoulder while she read the hand written schedule of movie times.

She laughed and drew money out of her pocket, "Two for the next showing of Maid in Manhattan."

"Sure. We go to this little, nice independent movie theater, and what do you choose? Maid in Manhattan." I rolled my eyes at her as she handed me my ticket. She gave me a grin and entered the building.

We walked up to the concession stand. It was a small lobby. A few chairs, but little else. I waited to one side as I heard her order a pizza.

"I take it we're gonna have to wait a bit for the movie?" I asked.

"Nope. We got lucky. Only like fifteen minutes, but I figured your pizza idea wasn't a bad one. We'll split it." She grabbed the pizza, and I took the big coke she had ordered for us.

We walked down the aisle. Few people were there. She chose a couple of seats near the front.

I sat to her right with the coke in my hand, about to put it between us, but then thought better and placed it on my other side so there would be less chance of it being knocked over. Katie always had that crazy energy, and sometimes it was hard to determine where she would center it.

She handed me a slice of the pizza, cheese hanging off it. I dangled it down into my mouth and ripped the string off as she laughed at me.

"So JLo, huh? Honestly. Your taste in movies," I said through a bite of pizza. I shook my head at her, a lopsided grin on my face.

She looked at me, indignant, with cheese hanging out of her mouth down her chin.

"You look at me like that, like I have ungraciously injured your dignity, and yet you have cheese down your chin. Let me ask you: what dignity?" I laughed as she quickly slurped up the cheese and wiped her chin with a napkin. Then she slowly put the pizza box on the floor on her other side, turned to me with that smile on her face, and pounced.

She grabbed my wrist with one hand and started tickling me with the other. I was trapped between her and the drink, so I just took it, laughing, placing myself as close to her as possible so I wouldn't get coke all over me.

The lights went down for the previews, and she stopped, leaning across me to sip the coke. Then she sat back in her chair, placing her hand on her thigh and looking up to the screen as the previews started.

Our knees were still touching. I wanted to move, prove to myself that I didn't want to be touching her. But I didn't move. I sat there, trying not to shake through the contact. I figured she hadn't moved away, so it was ok. I was so confused. I didn't want to be thinking all of this. I didn't want to be different. After the anorexia… there were so many people who just didn't want to be around me because I was different.

I moved my knee.

As the movie started, she leaned across me to get another sip of coke. I felt her shaking as she turned to lean back into me, head on my right shoulder. She whispered, "This…. I think… I think this is where I want to be. When I saw your dad and Lily like that… all I could think about was how intimate and sweet it was. And then I started to think about… about who I could ever be that close to… and that was you…." She trailed off, looking down, embarrassed. I could feel her tense, preparing to get up.

"Hey," I said softly. She timidly looked up into my eyes.

And I looked back into hers. That color of distant mountains. So beautiful. A blonde streak of her hair had fallen forward into her face. I reached out to put it back behind her ear.

"I know," I said gently.

She took my hand in hers and raised my palm to her lips, such a striking gesture. I was gone, totally hers in that moment. Shaking, nervous—but totally hers. I couldn't hold back, couldn't stop myself.

My eyes dashed between her eyes and her lips, not deciding, just taking her in. I had already decided.

She turned her body to face me, looking deep, and I let her see everything. Who expects to fall in love with their best friend? But I had.

I traced my finger along the back of her hand, ran it along the raised veins, curves, the crevasses between her fingers. I felt that smooth skin on sensitive fingertips, let them slide up the pale skin of her arm to the swell of her bicep before making their way to the point of her shoulder. I used my fingernails to softly make a trail up her neck to her jaw, ran my hand into her hair, and drew her in close, close enough…

I brushed my lips to hers, and I was gone. There was no longer a movie, no longer a crowd. Just us: breathless, timid, but together.


End file.
